On my cousin’s 9th birthday, I asked her what she wanted
She smiled innocently and said she would like something evil or haunted
Now I’m not the type of person who likes to be outdone
And when it comes to giving gifts I am next to none
So I went to all the witches and all the warlocks in town
But their weird potions and spells were all a big letdown
All the catalogs and yellow pages were no help at all
On a whim, I put out an ad and the local mortician called
He said your search is over; this is your lucky day
I have just what you’re looking for, come see me right away
He was offering me something that I found hard to believe
When I went up to see him and he introduced me to Steve
He said Steve’s one of those people, that don’t accept they’re dead
And no matter how much you explain, they can’t get it through their head
I’ve tried and tried to kill him but he keeps coming back to life
And keeping him around like this really upsets my wife
But he’s a friendly guy, and he’s not hard to keep
He seems to like the darkness though he doesn’t really sleep
He has no taste for people, he prefers mice or a rat
For an undead zombie friend, it doesn’t get any better than that
He’s grubby round the edges but he’s easy to repair
If you give him a wash and cut and brush his hair
He made me an offer that I found hard to ignore
And I was sure that I would get her something she’d never had before
Now she never lets him out of her sight, she’s taught him how to talk
She feeds him rat and mice and he takes him out on walks
People don’t really like it, it might make them upset
But my cousin’s quite happy with her little zombie pet
And I have my own reason to brag about this story I have sealed my reputation in the gifting hall of glory.
Underthecovers 